this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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