My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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