i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We smell like vodka and hangover
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