Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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