Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize