Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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