Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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