oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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