Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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