Kiss
Puke
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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