We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
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He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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