Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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