someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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