I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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