3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize