how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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