How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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