does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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