I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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