I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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