Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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