i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize