my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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