i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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