Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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