I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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