nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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