Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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