A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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