I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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