I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
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the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
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I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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