When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Who died my cat blue again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize