Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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