im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize