also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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