2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need a beard to bite.
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