Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize