sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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