You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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