Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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