Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize