If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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