i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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