she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
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There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
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I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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