So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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