My boss' voice literally gives me gas
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize