There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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