I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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