weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize