im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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