I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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