The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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